Writing

Writing - A strange thing happened on the way to school today? 

For the last 3 weeks we have been working on narratives for writing. Our topic was Something happened on the way to school today. Here is my writing. 

Draft:

A strange thing happened on the way to school today.

BRUHHHHH! My clock went off, it’s time… I got up feeling really anxious I don’t know why. I got out of bed and did my early morning routine. I gazed at the clock I had hour till school started…

I dragged myself out of the house. I felt like a lazy sloth wanting to just stay in my cozy warm bed and sleep. I walked down the grey stoned  path and began to stroll my way to school.

On the way to school I started to shake I felt like something bad was going to happen, the night before I had a really weird dream… It was about clowns... No that can’t be right!! I just see this red balloon out of nowhere… I love balloons and my favourite colour is red! I think for a moment “I want it” I say whisper to myself… I chase after it at full speed as steam was coming off my shoes but suddenly, it went down the alleyway I didn’t know where it was going but I had to follow it, so I kept running and running I was almost out of breath but I wanted it so I kept running.

I come to stop… I Don’t know where I am… I get scared and I panic… A bunch of balloons appear, they start driving up to the sky and behind I see a clown! I screamed as loud as I could but before I could turn around, he was there with his scaly, wet, stinky hand touching my shoulder. So I run but I have no way out… He said to me “why are you running little boy” I stutter “I...I… I hate clowns”.

I asked him after our long conversation If I could go he said sure I was really scared he showed me the way out and I said goodbye and he gave me the creepiest smile… I ran i Cheeked the time on my watch I have 1 hour till school ended so I ran to school in a hurry like the steam was coming off my shows again. I get to the school gates and I slip on the grass but I get back up like I’m running in a marathon. I get to my class door and I swing it open as fast as I could and everyone turns and looks at me the teacher comes storming over to me like she’s my mother. She grabs my arm and walks outside, she yelled at me “where have you been” I tried to talk but I went silent The clown told me not to tell anyone about him I think to myself should I keep it to myself or tell her… I thought I would tell her so I did “Miss I seen a clown” she went nuts she thought I was lying. Ever since then no one believed me.

Feedback:

Nice but first of all please do not start with BRUHHHHH! As it is not a sentence starter and makes absolutely no sense. All around the storyboard was great with a bit of humor  there were some grammatical errors as in i seen a clown and driving up to the sky because balloons are not motor vehicles

Good story and there is nothing else wrong except these problems

Final:

My clock went off, it’s time… I got up feeling really anxious I don’t know why. I got out of bed and did my early morning routine. I gazed at the clock I had hour till school started…

I dragged myself out of the house. I felt like a lazy sloth wanting to just stay in my cozy warm bed and sleep. I walked down the grey stoned  path and began to stroll my way to school.

On the way to school I started to shake I felt like something bad was going to happen, the night before I had a really weird dream… It was about clowns... No that can’t be right!! I just see this red balloon out of nowhere… I love balloons and my favourite colour is red! I think for a moment “I want it” I say whisper to myself… I chase after it at full speed as steam was coming off my shoes but suddenly, it went down the alleyway I didn’t know where it was going but I had to follow it, so I kept running and running I was almost out of breath but I wanted it so I kept running.

I come to stop… I Don’t know where I am… I get scared and I panic… A bunch of balloons appear, they start driving up to the sky and behind I see a clown! I screamed as loud as I could but before I could turn around, he was there with his scaly, wet, stinky hand touching my shoulder. So I run but I have no way out… He said to me “why are you running little boy” I stutter “I...I… I hate clowns”.

I asked him after our long conversation If I could go he said sure I was really scared he showed me the way out and I said goodbye and he gave me the creepiest smile… I ran i Cheeked the time on my watch I have 1 hour till school ended so I ran to school in a hurry like the steam was coming off my shows again. I get to the school gates and I slip on the grass but I get back up like I’m running in a marathon. I get to my class door and I swing it open as fast as I could and everyone turns and looks at me the teacher comes storming over to me like she’s my mother. She grabs my arm and walks outside, she yelled at me “where have you been” I tried to talk but I went silent The clown told me not to tell anyone about him I think to myself should I keep it to myself or tell her… I thought I would tell her so I did “Miss I seen a clown” she went nuts she thought I was lying. Ever since then no one believed me.

My assessment:

Assessment:	Self	Peer	Teacher
Ideas	5	5
Struct & Lang	5	5

 (Teacher assessment has not been done yet, will be updated when confirmed)