Persuasive Writing

Persuasive Writing  - 

The purpose of this writing was to persuade Mr Mitchell to buy us the dream pet we wanted here is my draft:

Draft: 

I want a talking monkey. Why? Well let me tell you why. It would be very cool to have a friend that will be able to do anything with you. But it would be way more entertainable if it could talk. I would train it by teaching it how to dress itself. The one thing that I want to teach my monkey to be a inside animal. it may take some time but I will get there in the end.

It would be really cool if I could take it to school and it sits on my shoulder in class. It would entertain all the kids at school for sure. He/She would be a awesome pet to have. One thing I would enjoy doing is creating new clothing for him/her. I would like a medium sized monkey not to large or not to small. Monkeys like to eat fruit, vegetables and seeds.

I hope this has given you reasons why I want a talking monkey (they may be expensive but it would make me super happy).

Feedback:

This was good and all but you spelled want at the end wrong also a talking monkey is not feasible to any parents unless they have a lot of sanity left in them.

Final Writing

I want a talking monkey. Why? Well let me tell you why. It would be very cool to have a friend that will be able to do anything with you. But it would be more entertaining if it could talk. I would train it by teaching it how to dress itself. The one thing that I want to teach my monkey to be a inside animal. It may take some time but I will get there in the end.

It would be really cool if I could take it to school and it sits on my shoulder in class. It would entertain all the kids at school for sure. He/She would be a awesome pet to have. One thing I would enjoy doing is creating new clothing for him/her. I would like a medium sized monkey not too large or not too small. Monkeys like to eat fruit, vegetables and seeds.

I hope this has given you reasons why I want a talking monkey (they may be expensive but it would make me super happy).

Scores:

Assessment:	Self	Peer	Teacher
Ideas	5	5	5

Next step: 

It would be to add more information to the topic I have been given and tell why.